About a year ago today, I finished up an Ayahuasca retreat in San Ramon, Costa Rica. I thought it’d be cool to share some thoughts about it.
If you find yourself here and you’re not quite sure what Ayahuasca is, there are plenty of resources on the web to explain it. My friend, Robert Istok, does a good job of explaining it on his blog. There is also ayahuasca.com, and of course, Wikipedia. I won’t go into further detail about here it as I want to make sure my mental energy and time is focused on the takeaways of my experience.
Prep / Diet
Ayahuasca preparation typically demands a super clean diet beforehand. I spent my last week or so in Mexico City, of all places, abstaining from meat, processed foods, sex, spices, caffeine, nicotine, alcohol — and almost any other enjoyable vice.
Set and Setting
A week spent at a retreat center, which was a house on a hill in Costa Rica overlooking the mountains and the forest. There were 9 or 10 others there, and we all slept in bunkbed-style lodging built on the property. No phones or books allowed. The retreat was cut 2 days short because of the news of the pandemic.
Experience
The true experience is impossible to fully explain. It must be experienced for oneself. For me, personally, it was like a defragmentation of the ego & mind – as if it were a hard disk – with 1000s of messages being sent to me at a time. Sort of like a download. I witnessed everything in a flash – like a flipbook. And I was able to watch it in a grand, psychedelic fashion, occasionally able to grasp onto a concept or two and dwell on it. For comparison, I would say my experience was roughly 5-10x “stronger” than your typical strong psilocybin trip.
During and after my experience, I took a lot of notes and recorded an hour-long audio about it. I am happy to further share this with anyone who may be interested. Or answer any questions.
Take-a-ways
Below are some takeaways that have stuck with me after the journey. As a natural philosophizer, I suppose some of these ideas had been brewing for a while, but mother Aya helped unearth them. Hopefully, you can internalize and benefit from them as well.
Trust Your Path
I’ve spent years of my life thinking, planning, hypothesizing, goal setting. Some of what I have written down has materialized beautifully. Not all of it has though. But enough of it has. So I am here, where I ought to be, doing what I ought to be doing.
It’s time to step away from the doing and the planning a little bit and allow myself to follow the path set forth and enjoy the ride for once.
You Are Your Best Companion
During my experience, I felt a true presence from Mother Aya. She was there for me, as a companion. She showed me that she is always there for me, and that I am always there for myself. So, I should never be afraid to be alone. I kept receiving the mantra “One” that I would say to myself as I lay there, smiling, recognizing that I am self-reliant and generate love for myself within.
Nostalgia
I experienced and continue to experience so much nostalgia not only for the past, but what I call “future nostalgia” for what I’m doing now. In 10,20,30 years, I will look back on NOW and see what I was doing as amazing. Internalizing that feeling in the present leaves me with a sense that everything is fleeting – but also, I assign more meaning to what’s going on around me.
Increased Empathy and Sensitivity
For a self-identified empath and sensitive person, this is a double-edged sword. On one hand, my ability to listen and connect with people has deepened even further. However, I sometimes find myself even more sensitive to situations and people’s feelings, which leads me to make decisions that turn out to be not in the best interest of both of us.
Help Others
I’ve always been a helper type, through small random acts of kindness or a bit of mentoring. I’ve realized that I’ve been put on this earth partly to help, to support, and to bring order to things that seem chaotic. I am excited to explore that more and see where it leads me.
Increased Self-Confidence
This was one of, if not the most impactful thing I “downloaded”. My confidence in myself and abilities have greatly increased, which has helped me in many aspects of life – from dating to negotiation to simply being more upfront with people about what I want.
In Summary..
Life is temporary. Everything around us is temporary, yet infinitely connected at the same time. Enjoy what’s happening, it will be gone soon enough. We live in a beautiful stitch in the history of time. Trust your instincts. Don’t count on being perfect. You’re never truly alone, you always have yourself. Help people. Be confident in yourself and your abilities. Reach out to people from the past and connect with them. And as Carlos, our spiritual guide says, live your truth.